i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
