I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
