Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
