piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
