You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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