HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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