Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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