Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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