You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
