Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
