I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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