well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
