Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
