I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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