I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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