i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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