just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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