Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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