Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
