I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
