Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
