Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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