My room smells like vodka and shame
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
