Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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