What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
