I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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