I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
