call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
