I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
