I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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