porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
