I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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