I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
