It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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