Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
