High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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