pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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