i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
