I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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