i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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