Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
