do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
