I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
