dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
