So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
