At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
