Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
