She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
