his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize