I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
