finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
