She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
