hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
