She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
