Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
