RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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