Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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