Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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