Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
