In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
