fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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