you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
