I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
