I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
