I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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