Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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