He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
