im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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