She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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