Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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