i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
