Yo dont text me then not text me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
