I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
