How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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