im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
