He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
