You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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