As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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