ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I party with great urgency now.
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