I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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