dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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