I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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