Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
