im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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