i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
