I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
