Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
