Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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