i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
