I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
