St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
