oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
