A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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