I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
