my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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