Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
