quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
