I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
