I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
