i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
