Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
