i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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