im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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