she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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