the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Found the puke drawer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
